{"id":13,"date":"2011-02-19T21:29:42","date_gmt":"2011-02-20T05:29:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.screenplayground.com\/?p=13"},"modified":"2011-02-19T22:49:05","modified_gmt":"2011-02-20T06:49:05","slug":"the-economy-of-words","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.screenplayground.com\/?p=13","title":{"rendered":"The Economy of Words"},"content":{"rendered":"

So, I\u2019m gonna try and start off this here blog with some free advice. See, man? It ain\u2019t all about you hiring me to give you script notes. I mean, brother\u2019s gotta earn a living but I wanna help. Y\u2019know\u2026 out of the goodness of my heart or whatever.<\/p>\n

So, my first topic is on what I think is the most overlooked element of a screenplay: The action and descriptives. Now, you can have a script that can be turned into a great film without being good at or paying a lot of attention to these things but the chances are it won\u2019t get made for one reason: It\u2019s what makes your screenplay read like a movie rather than a book.<\/p>\n

And, without making that good, your great story with amazing characters and expertly crafted dialogue will be bogged down in clunky, extraneous shit. It\u2019s like a really hot girl with a beard like Fidel Castro. I don\u2019t care how stunningly beautiful she is, you won\u2019t be able to see past the beard. Okay, maybe that\u2019s a bit much but still the point is valid\u2026 Moving on\u2026<\/p>\n

Screenwriting is the art of writing as concisely as possible. That means the more you can pack into a word or phrase and the less words you can use, the better. Now, with dialogue maybe that\u2019s not always true. It depends on the character and the situation. However, with the action\/descriptives it is ALWAYS true.<\/p>\n

And overwhelmingly, this is the element I find lacking in screenplays I read. Such care is paid to story, structure, dialogue and character development but almost none to the descriptives and action and how the script reads<\/em> and, ultimately, how effective it is at letting the reader see<\/em> it in their mind. <\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

First there\u2019s action. Joss Whedon said something along the lines of \u201cwhen you\u2019re writing your action, think like a director and when you\u2019re writing your dialogue, think like an actor\u201d \u2013which may be the greatest piece of screenwriting advice ever \u2013certainly the best in one sentence. For the purposes of this article, I\u2019m not concerned with dialogue. So let\u2019s take the first part and look at what that means. \u201cThink like a director\u201d DOESN\u2019T MEAN start writing camera directions! It means write visually<\/em> and that can include implying some direction without saying it.<\/p>\n

So, as opposed to: CLOSE UP on Jim\u2019s eyes as they dart around nervously.<\/strong><\/p>\n

You might write: Jim\u2019s eyes dart around. Nervous. Bordering on panic.<\/strong><\/p>\n

The first example not only breaks the cardinal rule of telling the director his job with camera shots, it also reads like an instruction on how to film it. \u201cBut, Tom, isn\u2019t a screenplay a blueprint for a film?\u201d NO!! You heard me. NO! It is a story told in a cinematic way. Not the same thing. The first example tries to be a \u201cblueprint for a film\u201d but the second example shows or implies how the director should film it without telling how to film it, specifically. Subtle but important difference.<\/p>\n

As you read the 2nd<\/sup> example, you are SEEING it, there\u2019s also information on Jim\u2019s mental state (direction for the actor) without actually writing how someone is feeling. It\u2019s obvious, it\u2019s immediate and it\u2019s visual. There are NO extraneous words. This isn\u2019t Ms. Crabtree\u2019s 5th<\/sup> grade English class. Sentence fragments are good. They are your friend. You may think it doesn\u2019t matter because the same information is conveyed but it matters to the person who has to read your script. It makes it easier and faster to read and it helps them SEE it as they read which makes them think: you\u2019re a professional level screenwriter because they didn\u2019t have to work to envision it on the screen. If you did your job, you did that for them.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s do another exercise. Let\u2019s say this Jim dude above is nervous because he just stole 10 grand from his boss who happens to be mob connected. He\u2019s at the bar trying to act inconspicuous but obviously having a hard time. First, I\u2019ll write it in what I call the \u201cpolice report\u201d style and then I\u2019ll write it like I want you to see<\/em> it.<\/p>\n

Jim enters the bar. He looks around making sure no one from Vito\u2019s crew is around. The coast is clear. He heads over to the bar and sits on the stool. <\/strong><\/p>\n

DAVEY, the bartender, nods at him as he sits.<\/strong><\/p>\n

DAVEY<\/strong>
\n The usual, Jimbo?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Jim nods and reaches into his pocket and pulls out a big wad of hundred dollar bills. In a panic, he tries to yank his hand off the bar and out of Davey\u2019s view.\u00a0 But Dave\u2019s raised eyebrows reveal that he saw the money.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Now, there\u2019s nothing essentially wrong with this. All the relevant information is there. But, it reads like a novel not a screenplay. Let\u2019s try it again.<\/p>\n

Jim enters the bar. Hesitant. He stops. Eyes scan the room. No one from Vito\u2019s crew. Relieved, he heads to the bar, sits.<\/strong><\/p>\n

DAVEY, the bartender, nods.<\/strong><\/p>\n

DAVEY
\n The usual, Jimbo?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Jim nods. Reaches into his pocket and absentmindedly pulls out a wad of hundreds. \u00a0Realizes it and looks up at Davey as he YANKS his hand off the bar. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Davey stops in his tracks. Their eyes meet. Davey raises his eyebrows. He saw the money. <\/strong>
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n

Again, not that different in terms of the information conveyed but if you read them both again, you\u2019ll notice the first one has a more passive voice with lots of words that don\u2019t need to be there. The second reads much easier and is much more visual, it\u2019s written like a series of shots \u2013without being an actual series of shots.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis. That. This and the other. Something else. A moment. This.\u201d\u00a0 Instead of \u201cThis happens and then that happens. This and the other are also happening. Then something else happens. There is a moment that leads to this.\u201d<\/p>\n

The economy of words. This economy is also important in descriptions of characters and settings. The idea is to get the essence, the vibe and inspire images in the reader\u2019s mind rather than describing them. You\u2019re not a set designer or a casting director and again, it\u2019s not a police report.<\/p>\n

So, let\u2019s describe the bar and Jim. Let\u2019s pretend this is the opening scene. First, the wrong way:<\/p>\n

INT. BAR – EVENING<\/strong><\/p>\n

JIM, early 40s, enters the bar. Jim has graying hair and is a stocky guy who is now a bit out of shape. He wears a worn, frayed peacoat, basic jeans with some dirt smeared on the thighs and brown construction boots.<\/strong><\/p>\n

The bar is a working class neighborhood joint that is only populated by regulars -townies that all know each other. <\/strong><\/p>\n

DAVEY, the bartender, a heavyset Italian-American who has seen it all is wiping off the bar when he looks up and notices Jim.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Okay, let\u2019s try again.<\/p>\n

INT. BAR – EVENING<\/strong><\/p>\n

JIM, Early 40s enters. Jim is a working-class, blue collar guy -from his worn, dirty clothes to his worn, exhausted face. The kinda guy who might\u2019ve been a boxer twenty years ago but definitely came out on the wrong side of a long bout with a hard life. <\/strong><\/p>\n

The bar is the kinda place guys like Jim hang out after work to drown their sorrow.<\/strong><\/p>\n

DAVEY, the bartender, looks up and acknowledges Jim with a nod. Jim is clearly a regular.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Okay, so what\u2019s the difference here? In the first example, a lot of words are wasted detailing what, specifically, Jim is wearing \u2013all to express that he\u2019s a working class guy. \u201cfrom his worn, dirty clothes to his worn, exhausted face\u201d covers it. We don\u2019t need to detail every article of clothing or that he has gray hair. You want to acknowledge that Jim is a big guy but past his prime. \u201cStocky but a bit out of shape\u201d is too \u201cpolice report\u201d. What we want to<\/em> convey is that he was once a tough guy but those days are past.<\/p>\n

This brings me to the concept of \u201cunfilmables\u201d.\u00a0 There is an old school screenwriting rule that you shouldn\u2019t write anything that can\u2019t be filmed. My feeling on this rule is: Yes and no. \u201cThe kinda guy who might\u2019ve been a boxer twenty years ago but definitely came out on the wrong side of a long bout with a hard life\u201d is an \u201cunfilmable\u201d but I think the economy of words rule outweighs it. With that description you\u2019re getting to the heart and essence of what you want to convey. It is technically \u201cunfilmable\u201d but, then again, it\u2019s not -because you\u2019re giving information to the director, the actor and the reader of what you want to get across. How they interpret that visually is up to them. On the other hand, describing Davey as a guy \u201cwho has seen it all\u201d is an unfilmable that is too vague to be of any use to anyone. I think the unfilmable rule being adhered to too strictly has lead to the police report style of descriptions. That is the balance and the art of it. You have to get to the essence of what you want to convey visually without getting into the inner life of someone that can\u2019t easily be expressed on the screen. The trick is to express an essence or a vibe as concisely as possible yet making sure that what you write can<\/em> be expressed visually.<\/p>\n

Getting back to economy of words<\/em>, notice the second version of the description of Davey, the bartender. If someone is a minor character of no importance to the story, don\u2019t waste anytime on them. Don\u2019t add useless information. Does it matter how old the bartender is, what ethnicity he is, his body type, his demeanor? If it doesn\u2019t, then just write \u201cDavey, the bartender\u201d and leave it at that.\u00a0 Picture the film unfolding in your mind and focus on what you need to focus on as concisely as possible and leave the rest in soft-focus (so to speak).<\/p>\n

It sounds simple but it\u2019s an art. You also don\u2019t want to get cutesy and clever. Self-indulgence is not<\/em> an economy of words.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s close with one final example\u2026<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s say you have a character that is a throw back to the 1980s hair metal days. In your mind you picture his hair, his hair dye, the exact rock shirt he\u2019s wearing, the brown leather pants, the animal print bandanas he has tied around every appendage, etc.\u00a0 To describe all of these things in detail would be pointless -as I said, you\u2019re not the costume designer. So unless you\u2019re trying to convey a scene where a long time is spent focusing on this guy and his wardrobe, don\u2019t do it. \u201cFloyd looks like he just stepped out of a Motley Crue concert in 1986\u201d\u00a0 would convey what the guy looks like, who he is or at least how he\u2019s perceived. It can be conveyed visually and it doesn\u2019t bog anyone down with extraneous details.<\/p>\n

The important thing to remember is that before your script is filmed, someone has to read it and you wanna make that reader see<\/em> your script in their mind. That\u2019s not done with details, that\u2019s done with economy of words. If your character is a bad ass, you can offer some essential specifics but basically, you wanna just say: \u201cHe\u2019s a bad ass\u201d. The reader will get it and down the line the director, actor and everyone else will do their job in making sure the audience knows that he\u2019s a bad ass.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s all I got. I hope you found it enlightening. Please leave some comments and keep writing. Don\u2019t forget, if you want some notes on your scripts, check out http:\/\/screenplayground.com<\/a> for my affordable coverage services.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So, I\u2019m gonna try and start off this here blog with some free advice. See, man? It ain\u2019t all about you hiring me to give you script notes. I mean, brother\u2019s gotta earn a living but I wanna help. Y\u2019know\u2026 out of the goodness of my heart or whatever. So, my first topic is on … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “The Economy of Words”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-screenwriting-tips"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.screenplayground.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.screenplayground.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.screenplayground.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.screenplayground.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.screenplayground.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=13"}],"version-history":[{"count":11,"href":"https:\/\/blog.screenplayground.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":20,"href":"https:\/\/blog.screenplayground.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13\/revisions\/20"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.screenplayground.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=13"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.screenplayground.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=13"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.screenplayground.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=13"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}